I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize