My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
