Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize