Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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