I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
