My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
