i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
