I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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