forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
