I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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