well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
