bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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