I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
