If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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