Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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