u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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