Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
