Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
