Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
