im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
