I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
