It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
