The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
