just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
