ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
