Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need water and some morals
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
