last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
