I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
