i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
