Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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