Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize