why didn't you poke me back
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
