lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
