I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
