The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
