The maid of honor just puked.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
