Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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