I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
