In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
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She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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