he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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