just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
