a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
