Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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