guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
