Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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