Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
please come you make the beer taste better
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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