Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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