just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
