the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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