Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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