Please, let me fuck your mom
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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