i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
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If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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