Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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