She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
