Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
