so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
