Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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