what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't turn off my feet"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
