for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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