i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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