I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
