life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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