what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
