I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
