I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
