Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
