drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
