she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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