I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just high enough for therapy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
