I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize