Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
