Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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