Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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