You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
